The Three Coaching Mindsets = the GREATEST Impact
Since the disruption of 2020, I’m grateful to have coached and facilitated leadership journeys for hundreds of leaders from aspiring managers to seasoned team leaders to executive enterprise leaders at organizations around the globe. This work has given me a front row seat to observe common people leadership challenges and the behaviors that leaders have leveraged to master those challenges agnostic of industry/region/role.
One thing has struck me as leaders navigate It is how leaders can leverage core coaching capabilities to get out of their own way and empower their people to do the best work of their lives.
I’m thrilled to share with you these three behaviors that I’ve seen help leaders make the greatest impact in their ability to maximize their potential and the potential of those they lead. I encourage you to make a note of which resonate with you, which bring forward curiosity or fear, and which might be your biggest opportunity in 2023.
I want everything you see below to be immediately applicable. For that reason I’ve included two short scenarios below. The first is a fairly standard (albeit unfortunate) development conversation. The second applies the concepts explored in this report. I’ll reference these two scenarios to highlight exactly how to use the coaching principals here so you can see what they look like in action!
Here are the scenarios;
Mindset #1: It’s my job to be relentlessly curious
"Curiosity is what keeps me going, what keeps me searching for more" - Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker The Berry"
The opposite of curiosity is disinterest. It wouldn’t be very provocative if I kicked off this list by saying “Being disinterested in those you lead isn’t good.” That much is obvious. I’m talking about here is a type of curiosity that may at times go beyond the norm and certainly beyond our comfort zones as leaders. That’s because it’s a curiosity that suspends judgements, assumptions, and at times attachment to our own interests and expertise to allow new ways of thinking (and being) to emerge.
The Co-Active Coaching Handbook (1) describes
For everyday people leaders, that curiosity shows up in four key ways;
About those they lead. They are curious about who these people are and why they’re here. They are curious about what drives them, what motivates them. They want to know more about why in some meetings a person may appear smart, energized, and couragous and in other meetings they’re not. They don’t ask to reinforce what they think they know. They ask to know uncover the uncommon answers that only unattached curiosity can uncover.
About the problems people face. What exactly are the things their people and teams are struggling with? At times, this is a question that may seem to have a very straightforward and data driven answer. Other times the real answers only come with some deep digging (and you with the right tools to dig along side them). Fixed mindsets often reuse a limited number of ideas to solve problems. Leaders who lead with curiosity are willing to ask powerful, unconventional, and at times dumb sounding questions to unlock breakthrough thinking.
About the approach they take to helping them solve those problems. Most leaders at some point in their growth from an individual contributor to leadership role face a challenge. It’s the challenge of letting go of their old way of solving problems which is often to have all the answers. Coaches lead with the assumption that people are smart, capable, and resourceful and that they may just need new ways of thinking about a challenge to solve it vs always being given the answer from an “expert” (i.e. YOU).
About themselves! More on this to come.
The curiosity mindset is #1 on our list and as you’ll see shortly it is what makes the other key coaching mindsets possible.
Curiosity in Our Scenarios
In the first scenario, notice how assumptions play a role as the leader helps to solve the problem for the other person. They’ve heard someone say they are ready for a new challenge. Helping them navigate the career roadmap to get there seems sensible. Besides, it seems clear that the next step to take is up!
Also, in scenario one our leader does observes enough to pick up on the other person’s apprehension about the move. Unfortunately they address it with more of their own problem solving losing a valuable opportunity to get curious.
In the coach approach, notice the role curiosity plays in the conversation.
This leader doesn’t lead with concrete answers in mind. Instead, they get curious to see what comes up organically.
They are spacious and open. Take this question for example: “
They take their time to explore, like walking with a partner into uncharted territory. The questions being asked may lead us to an obvious conclusion but they also may not. This leader is open to that and is not rushing to a decisive conclusion.
Bottom Line
The context of curiosity is one of a coach’s best friends. Consider what becomes possible if we adopt a belief that, by being relentlessly curious, we can unlock what is hidden vs hoping we can carry around a bag big enough to answer for everyone’s challenges!
Mindset #2: Powerful questions unlock powerful answers
“Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, "What else could this mean?”” - Shannon L. Adler
Scenario 1 The Common Approach to a Development Discussion
You: “Now that we’ve aligned on what’s going well and some of the opportunities that exist for you why don’t we look at your career goals to make sure they fit our conversation?”
Direct Report: “That’s where I’m just feeling a bit stuck. I’ve been in this analyst role for 3 years and I think I guess I’m ready for a new challenge.”
You: “I agree. I think you’ve done a great job as an Analyst. I also agree that it’s time to start thinking about moving into a Senior Analyst role. Leading higher visibility, more complex projects would really bring what you’ve learned to the next level. And, promotions are coming up in the spring.”
Direct Report: (Shifts in seat and shrugs) “Yeah, I’ve thought about going for that role before. I guess you’re right. I know the role so well now. I suppose it makes sense to take on bigger, more complex projects. I just haven’t really felt like taking that step but it has been 3 years so that seems like I should go for it. ”
You: “Listen, it’s natural to be uncomfortable about taking on larger projects. I get that, I was in your shoes once too. Don’t worry, I know you can do it.”
Direct Report: “Thanks, it’s nice to know you’re willing to help on this.”
You: “Absolutely. Why don’t we spend our next 1 x 1 looking at the promotion criteria. That will give me more time to give you advice on exactly what you’ll need to do to make sure you get that promotion.”
Direct Report: “Yeah. Ok. I guess we’ll pick this up in three weeks.”
Scenario 2 The Coach Approach
You: “Now that we’ve aligned on what’s going well and some of the opportunities that exist for you why don’t we look at your career goals to make sure they fit our conversation?”
Direct Report: “That’s where I’m just feeling a bit stuck. I’ve been a analyst for 3 years and I think I’m just ready for a new challenge.”
You: “I appriciate your honesty. Are you willing to explore this a bit?”
Direct Report: “Sure.”
You: “Great. You mentioned being ready for a new challenge. When you think of what your next challenge looks like…what comes to mind?”
Direct Report: “That’s the thing. I’m not entirely sure. I know I could go for a Senior Analyst role and probably get it. Honestly, that doesn’t really excite me either but it feels like that’s just what comes next. That’s where I keep getting stuck.”
You: “It sounds to me like doing work that excites you is something that really matters in the next career step you take.”
Direct Report: “I guess so. I wasn’t really thinking about it that way but it’s true. I want to get paid well and I love working with the team, but I guess being excited about what I do on a daily basis matters. Maybe that’s why I haven’t gone for the Senior Analyst role. All see are bigger versions of the same problems I already solve today.”
You: “Got it. Excitement matters. What else comes up for you?”
Direct Report: (After a brief pause) “I don’t know. I’ve only really thought about how I’m not very motivated to go for the Senior Analyst role because I knew it would come up.”
You: “I get the sense that this is worth further exploring together before setting any goals into action. Are you interested some time right now doing that with me?”
Direct Report: “That would be great! I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this a lot and I’d love to find a way forward.”
Next, let’s deconstruct these scenarios using through the lens of these three high impact coaching mindsets.
The humble act of a question can be truly transformational. It can also be boring, frustrating, and end up causing more harm than good. Let’s take a look at what coaches do that differentiates the two!
Great coaching questions are the backbone of a coaching conversation. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors (and of coarse, languages). That said, a few things tend to be true about coaching questions vs run of the mill problem solving questions;
They aren’t there to just gather data. Instead, they tend to challenge the other person to think broader and deeper than they’ve gone before to get to conclusions that are harder to find. A person can gather data to reinforce existing beliefs without you. Uncovering hidden beliefs that influence our behaviors…that’s the job of a powerful question.
They are often single, open ended questions. This may seem obvious but it’s a trap I see leaders fall into over and over in practice. Overstuffing questions can confuse the other person and drain creative energy and asking closed questions is like bouncing a ball against a brick wall. It’s right back in your hands again!
They go beyond problem solving. Great coaching focuses on the person. Not their problem. Great coaching questions do the same but helping to elicit new ideas/possibilities for the other person or to identify deeper issues, beliefs, and motivations that may be held.
They may be unconventional and ‘dumb’ questions. The coaching questions that unlock the most can often be very simple and unsophisticated. That’s because they challenge the other person to question default assumptions they hold which generally go unexplored.
Our Scenarios
Take a moment to peek back at scenario one. What do you notice about the questions that are asked?
There are two questions in the dialogue, one at the beginning and one toward the end. In this scenario their functions are fairly straightforward; the leader is using them to move forward in the conversation. Nothing more. They are there to allow the leader a way to use their expertise and guidance to drive toward solutions. It’s about getting from point A to point B and bringing closure to the topic at hand which in this case is establishing career goals.
In the coach approach, questions are used often and for a very different reason. In this case, questions exist to broaden and deepen thinking in unexpected ways. Even if they don’t have a clean destination.
They’re asked for permission, to create the safety to explore and allow the other person to say no.
They are open with minimal guidelines for response. Take this question for example: When you think of what your next challenge looks like…what comes to mind? Permission is given to the other person to go anywhere the question leads to unlock something new vs requiring them to stay between any lines.
They often start with the word ‘what’. ‘What’ questions create spaciousness. Take the question “what else comes up for you” in scenario two after establishing that excitement matters. This question challenges the other person to think. Is there more that matters to me? If so…what would that be? Or, Is there more about what I already said that I could add?
If this conversation were to continue it’s possible that we would see the leader asking questions like this throughout the conversation based on the bread crumbs the other person leaves.
Bottom Line
Teachers share knowledge. Mentors share their guidance and experience. Coaches help others maximize their potential and discover new perspectives. Powerful questions make that possible for us as leaders.
Mindset #3: I listen deeply to the other person, not myself
"Listening is the key that opens doors to the world and to the self. It is the key to understanding and compassion. Listening is the key to music, and music is the key to listening." - Philip Glass, American composer
Ninety-Six percent of people think they are good listeners, yet people only retain about half of what others say (1). That’s a bad starting point.
I’ll take that one step further. Listening to the words people say is already not good enough. As a coach, the real power is listening deeply and broadly for the stuff that sits beyond just words and our own limiting, biased interpretations of them. True listening is a nuanced, co-active behavior which has the ability to unlock deeper connection, trust, perspective, and nearly always helps uncover causes of issues people face that lie below the surface that a leader can then help support.
A number of great conceptual models for exploring deeper listening have been developed. Here I’m going to refer to a (slightly modified) model used by one of the most trusted coach training organization in the world, The Co-Active Training Institute (2). It looks like this;
Ground Zero. I’ve added this one myself. This is hearing, not listening. It’s the thing that happens when our sense of hearing comes in contact with stimuli but hasn’t entirely processed it yet. This bare awareness of sound has it’s place, for example with meditation and mindfulness practitioners to gain awareness of bare experience.
Level One listening is listening to ourselves. Our own thoughts. Here we are processing our thoughts. We’re thinking what to say next in the conversation and often half-hearing what the other person’s saying. Maybe we’re thinking of our next question or even wondering if our Amazon package has arrived. At level one your spotlight is pointed at you and what you are processing at any one moment and not on the other person.
Level Two listening is where your spotlight is pointed directly at the other person and what they are saying. Nothing is distracting you. Thoughts about the past or the future don’t intrude. Even your own ideas don’t get in the way of you hearing the other person. You’re listening to deeply understand them and their message.
Level Three listening is also directed towards the other person, but imagine the spotlight is all around both of you. According to a study, communication is 55% nonverbal, 38% vocal, and 7% words. So in this level of listening, you hear more than just the words they’re saying. You pick up on all sorts of other things – body language, the inflections and tone of their voice, their pauses, and hesitations. I often refer to this intuitive listening because it opens up to data from all sources to serve the other person.
In my work it’s very common for leaders to discover that, in most cases, they find themselves spending most of their time listening to those they support at Level One. This level is the place of listening to self. Level One is essential as it’s a useful place we process data to make sense of it for ourselves, connect dots so we understand the other person.
Unfortunately it’s also the place where bias, judgements, and assumptions take over and pull us away from the other person. Level One is where we hear someone describing a challenge are facing and our mind immediately jumps to a conclusion of what’s best to say next. Even before the other person is finished speaking. This reaction happens because we want to be useful, but unfortunately we end up leaving the other person feeling unheard. It also results in what coach and best selling author Michael Bungay Stanier (4) refers to as “the advice trap” where we end up jumping too quickly to solution. This results in trying to solve the wrong problems with advice that misses the mark because we haven’t spent the time to listen more deeply to the real underlying issues.
For most of us, true Level Two and Level Three listening can be challenging though there are practical ways to embrace such deep, generative listening to unlock deeper coaching conversations. Here are a few outlined in our scenarios.
Our Scenarios
Scenario 1 is a prime example of Level One listening. The leader is listening to understand, agree or disagree, and determine what advice they can give next to solve the other person’s problem. They don’t ask curious questions about the topic even though there’s clearly apprehension when they suggest a solution. They also don’t make use of the non-verbal cues being offered which indicate there is more to explore here before moving forward. They are listening to gather what they think the problem is and recommend what they think would be the solution. Nothing more.
In the coach approach we see several Level Two and Level Three behaviors. One example is the leader’s use reflective listening (4). It’s on display when the leader plays back what they are hearing from the other person before adding their own perspective. Ex: “It sounds to me like doing work that excites you is something that really matters”. This helps the other person feel heard and gives them an opportunity to correct or deepen what they’ve offered. Here, we’re going deeper before solving.
They also notice and pick up subtle details which indicate there is still more to explore, creating more space to deepen the conversation. In the coach approach, we may give advice but it’s apparent how much more powerful that advice can be once we’ve spent time listening more deeply first.
Bottom Line
Teachers share knowledge. Mentors share their guidance and experience. Coaches help others maximize their potential and discover new perspectives. Powerful questions make that possible for us as leaders.
https://newsroom.accenture.com/industries/global-media-industry-analyst-relations/accenture-research-finds-listening-more-difficult-in-todays-digital-workplace.htm
https://coactive.com/blog/levels-of-listening/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_oBqIDXSUU
https://www.maxwell.syr.edu/docs/default-source/ektron-files/reflective-listening-nk.pdf?sfvrsn=f1fa6672_5#:~:text=Reflective%20listening%20is%20a%20special,is%20being%20heard%20and%20understood.
